Death to Clones

Home

Made it to the apartment. It’s a mess. The result of hangover packing I suppose. I thought I would sleep for a couple hours and then attack the apartment. But I can’t sleep, so I’ll probably rest a bit and then get to work. I want to get the apartment in order while I have a day off and before I bring Luna back. I have a feeling she’ll be really pissed at me for leaving, but eh well. I brought her gifts so hopefully she’ll be so enthralled with her new toys that she won’t be too angry with me. And I should talk to the vet about getting her shots up to date and how much they charge for fixing her so I have a number to start saving up for.

Brought back new sheets. Makes me so excited. And starting around 2 or so I’ll have a busy day. Meetings and phone calls and such. Think I’ll skip the AMP meeting though. I’m so exhausted that I really do not want to go sit in Sinsa for three hours waiting for people to show up since we all have different schedules.

Ugh, welcome back to Korea. Though I think in about six months I’m going to start sending resumes to the Daily Oklahoma and the Tulsa World. Yep. I think I’m finally getting ready to leave Korea. After going home and seeing how things are going in person, I really feel like I want to go home for real. And even to Oklahoma. We’ll see how I feel in a few months, but this is the closest to wanting to go home I think I’ve felt since I moved here.

I’m back

And exhausted. Had to pay 15,000 won to take the KAL bus because the one to my hood doesn’t start until 6:40 and I was not waiting for two hours at the airport. Or take the subway. Which isn’t even working yet either.

Coming back I feel, strange. I’ve never actually been on the verge of tears upon returning to Korea before. I don’t know if it’s Mom or if it’s because I’m not ready to deal with everything here yet. I’ve got to send off rent and loan payments today and pay for Luna at the kennel. And then rework my budget for the month. I think I’ll put off fixing my phone until next month.

Bah. I wish I was back in Oklahoma. And I can’t believe I just said that…

So many things

Had an awesome night out with mom and dad. Honestly, how many people can go to dive bars and sing karaoke with their parents and play pool? Not many. Which is why I officially have the coolest parents ever. Well, there’s much more than that, but still. My parents are amazing for so many different reasons.

I’ll write more when I get back to Korea. But this trip, it’s made me realize that if/when I come back, I still have friends here that I can hang out with. And I wouldn’t be completely unhappy.

Lots of things to think about. And I think I’m at the place where I should seriously consider settling down. I know. Coming from me, it’s crazy. But seeing my mom and dad and how madly in love they are… I’m getting there. Plus, I really want my mom to be at my wedding and see her grandkids.

Again… A lot going through my head to write about later. For now I’m going to bed so I can get up to catch my flight. And pick up the Patron on the way to the airport. Yea… Totally didn’t go shopping today…

Almost the end

So, I’ve got a day and a half until I leave. Part of me was really wanting to go back when I first got here, and now I’m wanting to stay longer. Granted, this was a shorter trip than normal. And I brought less money. I’m giving up on the Patron bottle. There’s just no way, because it would leave me with only $30 to spend shopping tomorrow, and I’d rather have $50-60. And I cut out all but two of the presents I was going to get. I’m sharing my candy with the bartenders since I didn’t get the Patron. Kind of sucks that even on vacation I have to ration my finances, but oh well. I decided to spend a lot of money on friends the past month or so, and this is what I get. No money to spend on myself for vacation.

Planning to go back into super save mode this month since I have to save up 2.5 million won by September for key money.

Anyway, I took my brother to see Avengers in 3D today. We had some good bonding time. I’ve discovered that we’re pretty much exactly alike. He’s the guy version of me. He opened up a bit and told me some things he hasn’t told mom or dad, and I did the same. Honestly, the fact that he’s pretty much an only child at the moment is tempting me to just move back (on top of mom). But I just don’t think I could be happy living in Tulsa.

But… I still don’t think I’m completely ready to write about some of the realizations I’ve made this week. It’s tough. Even now, I’m trying to hold back my tears even though everyone is asleep and no one would hear me. This time… It’s going to be a lot harder to leave. Because I don’t know if I’ll ever see Mom like this again. She’s doing really well and responding to her treatments, but. She only responds to them for about four months before they stop working and she has to move on to something else. There are still lots of options, but… they’ll only last for so long unless her tumors start shrinking. And from here out, the treatments get a lot harder.

It’s just a little hard. I find myself staying up until 3 or 4 am every night, not because of jet lag, but mostly because I have to immerse myself in books to forget about what’s happening in order to finally sleep. I keep having nightmares that she’s gone. This was definitely a good trip, but it wasn’t for relaxation or rejuvenation. It was to reconcile myself with the fact that my mom has brain cancer. And even her doctors don’t know how long she will live. And she won’t always be this good.

And I live half way around the world.

And this isn’t even half of what’s going through my mind right now…